Confessions of an Instagram Addict

I, too, have been on the same boat with thousands of other Instagram addicts, who had to perfect every single picture from the lighting to the angle, from the size of my head to the proportion of my body. I created this so-called perfect image online. I searched for photoshop tools that I can use to perfect my photos even further. I searched for trends, and hoped to gain more followers by following them. I was obsessed with numbers, and numbers of followers in particular. I was obsessed with the number of likes I receive from each photo. I was obsessed with Instagram.

Pathetic isn't it? Neglecting real life friends and obsessing with strangers on social media. Unfortunately, this is the society that we live in. People care more about their image on cyberspace than their image in real life, in the cases I witnessed, at least. People search for filters, angles, clothes, photoshop tools, and even plastic surgery that make them look just a little more attractive than before.  (Or at least that's what they/we think). How superficial? How realistic? Why?

Why are people so obsessed with their image online? Because they are not the only ones. They know that others are equally obsessed with their own, and other people's image online. It is how people judge each other. It is how people stalk each other. It is how people compete, secretly, for most cases.

Have you heard of the theory that the more stay you stay on Facebook the less happy you become? It's true, at least for me it is. I tried to stay away from Facebook for a while, not looking at those perfecting lives or should I say lies, and I felt better about myself. It is so difficult to not compare, if you see bits and pieces of everyone's lives right there for you to see and judge. I see two types of people on Facebook. The ones that make their lives uber exciting and the ones that complain about everything. Ironically, people usually get pleasure from reading the tragedies, and get jealous from reading the exciting, perfect adventures that others get to experience.

What have social media turned us into? More correctly, what have we turned our selves into? In the past, people compare, but they do it less frequently due to the lack of access to others' lives. Now, we have all the freedom to access other people's lives without letting them know. All of us become stalkers because there are no apparent consequences. But, there are! We become vulnerable, depressed, self-effacing from just reading a clingy couple or loving family or ambitious college student's posts. We look back to our selves and feel that we are not enough.

Well guess what. You are not enough!

If you're busy enough, you will be able to stay off Facebook. You will be able to focus on your own life. You will be able to improve nothing but yourself, and not your stalking skills. Focus on yourself!

Your time is limited. If you were to make an investment, with time, make it on yourself first.

From Vancouver to Shanghai. The songs from band and what hurts my soul.

You know, up until now, I'm still afraid of hearing my own sound.
I'm not talking about my voice. I'm talking about the songs we played in concert band, in jazz band.
Some things are magical but you don't realize it until you've missed it.

I remember the days I had to wake up extra early just to go to jazz band practices. Yes it was a drag. I remember telling myself, for days I can count with one hand, of how absurd it is to join jazz band and sacrifice sleep. How absurd it is to make my life so stressful, unnecessarily stressful? But, who understood my love for music? For piano, maybe not so much, due to all the discouragement and mandatory lessons. But band! I chose it for myself. I decided to play percussion instruments, after hearing that it is the heart of the orchestra. I decided to start learning french horn, not just because of its elegant look, but also because of its complexity. There are only three buttons, but you play scale after scale, using just slight variation of your lips. I still remember the time, when I was called "First French Horn". I was so proud, as if that's my greatest achievement ever. I remember secretly competing with this boy in my section, seeing who can play the part better. Seeing who can get the first french horn part. So, how are you doing now?

I'm still afraid. I'm tagged in the videos on Facebook, and some nights when I can't sleep, I go on Facebook and listen to those songs. They are so beautiful! They make me cry. They make me realize what I missed out on and what I really wanted and needed in my life.

I moved, and switched schools. But I never moved on. Yes, I attempted to join the orchestra in my new school, but it was not the same. No one was disciplined enough to practice at home. The orchestra was a joke. I felt like a joke. It was not music. I quit.

Some days I still can't help but think to myself, what if I stayed in Vancouver? What if I never agreed on moving? Would things be better? Or am I just giving myself excuses for not achieving certain goals in my life just because I did not get to choose certain paths? I really don't know. All I know is that, if I had some say in moving, I would not be able to blame anything, anyone. I hate blaming and regretting.

The songs are so beautiful and heartbreaking. I'm trying really hard not to cry but it is almost impossible. There is so much I want to do about my past but it is all useless now. The song are not perfect. I hear missed notes and rhythm here and there. But it is that time, those hours we practiced together, the nervousness that we shared... those are irreplaceable memories. Memories that only WE understand. I love music, I really do. I still do, but that passion is starting to hurt me, because I am drifting so far away from it.

The moment I started my life in Shanghai, I had to let go a lot of things. Music was one of them. That includes piano (which I was somewhat thankful for at that moment), concert band, jazz band, and choir. Did I talk about sports? Well that's gone too. It is so hard not to blame when you know exactly who decided on the changes in your life, when you made it so clear that you did not want those changes. When you watch the selfishness swallow a person's soul, and decide for the child's destiny. You witness it yourself, and you fear for your life. The life you desired. The life you were supposed to have, with years of fighting and working.

But, I hate to feel this way. I hate to reveal negativity. Well, it seems that the hate is also a form of negativity.

Good night world. Let's say that tomorrow is better but we never know.

Flexibility and Potential Disaster-- Corrupted Educational Systems and Mandatory Good Grades

Have you ever thought of the downside of being too flexible? Throughout my life, I was always told to be obedient, flexible, a good listener and a good supporter. As an Asian female, I was always told that it is better, or easier for me to live my life as flexible member of the society. A flexible member without much "attitude" or opinion. It is always better to be flexible in your school work. You should always, always learn to love all the subjects at school, and you should always be passionate in whatever you do, or whatever opportunity that comes up.

What happens then, after the point of high school, which everything was planned, scheduled and forced on you? What happens when you finally push yourself to "love" all the subjects and the people you encounter? Is that still love? Is that still passion?

It's not until college that I realize the potential harm of being too flexible or easily convinced. In high school, I was convinced to love English Literature as well and Mathematics and Chemistry and US History and Physics... I was convinced to love practicing the piano and Taekwondo. I was convinced to be easily... well... convinced. I started to forget what I initially wanted to learn at school, and I also forgot what I was good at. I was so used to forcing myself to like A, B and C... that I do not remember which one I actually "loved" and which one I should pursue as a major.

I was admitted as a Cognitive Science major, this low-key, new field of science that not a lot of people know about. It is a pain in a butt to explain to anyone outside of this major, but at the same time, I admire it's flexibility and endless possibility. Then, I added Accounting, this completely different, rule-based form of... well they do call it "science". This Accounting major, this language of business is something so different from what I entered college for. But, after all these years of forcing myself to like, something, I cannot differentiate what is "right" for me anymore. I mean, if I force myself hard enough, anything can potentially feel right. I can potentially get good grades on anything, right? In addition, getting good grade on something doesn't necessarily mean that you have passion in it, doesn't it just mean that you just, coincidentally happened to be good at doing that type of work... or maybe the class was too "introductory"? I don't know what is "love" and "passion"... I can no longer feel.

Is this the danger of being too flexible? Is it wrong to be too flexible?

You know, sometimes I really envy those people who grew up knowing, and doing, only one thing. Let it be music or art, video games or literature... at least they know exactly what to do and where do go. At least they will know to master that one thing. These are the people whom I believe will succeed. It is probably better for them to stay stubborn and not overly flexible?

♡Secrets to Being Happy♡

Being happy can be real hard, especially when you're faced with a new environment, surrounded by unfamiliar people and challenges. Moving around is tough, especially at a young age, when you're still trying to find yourself. In this video I'll be sharing some tips that kept me going, and helped me with staying happy and positive. It is important to note that, just like everyone else in the world, I'm not happy all the time. In fact, I can be sad or pissed off or annoyed, but the most important thing is to prevent the negativity from taking over your life. A positive mindset WILL help you get through those hardship. The highlights of this video include:



- You can only be happy continuously if you practice the positive mindset continuously

- finding Happiness is a trial-and-error process

- Life is about changes. Nothing lasts forever, including pain

- Feeling bitter will never, ever, make things smoother

- Being happy and staying positive is NOT EASY, but definitely WORTH IT in the long run!

♡Valentine's Day♡ 4 Outfit Inspirations| LookBook 2015

How to: YOUTUBE AUTOPLAY FEATURE Video/TRAILER on FRONT PAGE

Alright. I'm writing this post because I struggled with this for the longest time.
For all the youtubers out there, a great way to promote your channel is to have an AUTOPLAY VIDEO on your channel. Your unsubscibed/ subscribed viewers will get to see the content you want to present the second they click on to your channel.

To do this, we will have to click on view channel.

So...

This is my channel, and my featured trailer is ♡Valentine's Day♡ Outfit Inspirations| LookBook 2015

To do this, just scroll over to that section and you should see this:

Here, you can change the video, select whether you want the unsubscribed or subscribed viewers to see the autoplay video/trailer. 

To see the results, just log out of your account and view your channel. You should be able to see the video auto-playing the second your channel loads on the webpage.

Hope this helps!

Good Luck :)